nehminds. im talking rubbish.
BOOOOOO.

so i realise its not just me struggling the worst times of my life (: and im glad to know that.

not because i want to go through bad times in my life, or not because i can point my fingers at people, and laugh at them for the difficulties they are facing. instead, im grateful to know that im not alone. i have friends who've been through what i've been through and i know, that they can empathise. just a pair of listening ears would be fine. really(:

im just in a blogging mood now. so here i am (:
i know sometimes i blog about very boring things and it seems like i only have that few things to blog about. i dont really know how to express myself well unless i know you very well. unless i feel that i can talk to you about many things.

simplicity.
meaning simple, not complex. but the process of achieving it seems so difficult. is there more to that, that meets the eye? i believe so. if not why would people be struggling to even lead a happy and fulfilling lifestyle? there are people whom i've met and known who tells me, actually it isn't all that hard to achieve simplicity. but is that really the case? how do you define simplicity? isn't it different for different people, with different standards of living? (:

i just want to sit down and reflect on my life. people whom i've come across. friends who has always been there when i needed. relationships that broke my hurt, but with moments so defining, so vivid, still in my mind. such things capture my heart and make me feel thankful. something wonderful instilled in me, is that sense of serenity that i suddenly feel now; inside of me. and i wonder why(:

i live, love and laugh :D
mesmerises me; capture my heart ♥

haiis. my efforts are still not seen. even though i still got a bit distracted, but i know i did try my best alrdy. throw tantrum and cry. that is what will become of me. i dont want to go back to those days in PSLE. i tried so hard.. end up not getting what i expected and i just cry. i really tried hard.

im learning to try for myself. not for others. im someone who gets distracted easily. many of you understand that i believe. so its not my fault if you show me television, computer game, psp and i just run over and play while in the midst of doing something. i get distracted by what is visual. but after that i really tried hard what. you only choose to see how people get distracted. but do you know how i felt? do you know how hard i try after that?

the reason why papa always tell me to try my best and not to set high expectations for myself is because he dont want me to get too stress. i will break down and cry. i will stress until i have depression. really lorr. how many of you know i have depression when i was in primary 6. NONE. the pressure i placed on myself at that time was indescibable. the stress of studying, the stress of awaiting of results. all the "huh. why you get into such a lousy school?", "aiyo... never work hard right? get into yusof?"

EH PLS LORR PEOPLE. i really did work hard okay! how many of you know i cry in my bedroom everynight before the paper. do you know how that exam actually impacted my life a lot? do you know that i wasn't as smart as the people in my class but i really tried.

i got an A for english. and i heard that i was just 3-5 marks away from my A*!!! do you know the unhappiness i felt? can you see the standard i set for myself? you might think:"it's just PSLE ma!" but eh. moving on to secondary school leh!

during that time, we had to choose out schools before the results. and my papa chose schools that seemed impossible for me to go into!their aggregate scores were like AT LEAST 230!!!! CRAZY! i knew i had to at least get into my choice if not i would be deemed as stupid! no use!

i hate this feeling. and im feeling this way again. no matter how hard i try, even though i get distracted easily, i will still be deemed as NO USE! STUPID! NOT WORKING HARD. forever it will be like that lorrrrr.

SHIT.

PP NOT FINISHED.

haha. so what have i been up to these days? a while doing PP, a while relaxing. and how do i relax?

AUDITION!!!


HAHAHAAH! fun game. but i think i cant relax even more while playing audition! ESPECIALLY DB4DB4! level 11! can die! kan jiong until my heart nearly drop out!!!!! whoever play audition tell me hor! play together!!! (:


my ign: t00thbrushh
level: 16 -.-

HAHAH. my ign cute huh! (: will find my toothpaste soooon enough!! :D ARHAHHAAH!
sorry my blog has been kind of boring lately!!! no entertaining lifestyle for me :D but its okay. im enjoying every single day now! im happy, really (: i've got wonderful friends. what more can i ask for? heee (:

next week is my brother's birthday! so might have pictures. in the meantime, entertain yourselves with my boring post first -.-

left like 2 weeks of school. ROARS~ so fast!!!! this semester has been wonderful for me. dont know about you guys. maybe not very nice for some of you, but it has been thus far, for me, one of the best classes ever!! (: i know that it's the people in class that makes me like school and lessons :D but still, new semester have to start, bo pian one. no choice have to change class, and no choice, have to have new friends. anw, it's hardly something i worry about lahh. i get along easily with people. cos im always trying my best to please friends wad! scared people dont like me if i dont go along with their ideas or scared i become loner!!! but i know that's not gonna happen! weeee x)

i know that true friends will stick by me no matter what! so im never gonna be lonely! i think hor, even your own boyfriend sometimes wont want to stick by you one lorr! VERY CERTAIN! hahah.

thanks all for making my life so wonderful! ♥

haiis.

one word.
SAD.
and i think i deserve to die. den many people will be happy!!!

networking today.
think im losing touch with my IT modules alrdy! another semester to go. stuck with IT. argh! 13 days le. :D

okay. today's tsing xiu's birthday (: forgotten how i know her. HAHA. through some people. and i will always remember that we had each other in msn for about like 1-2 yrs, BUT we never talk one! ARHAHAHAAH! forgot who added who also (: heeee. i think its very funny everytime i think about why we never talk to each other in msn despite having each other in our contact list for like 1-2 yrs! HAHAHA! (: and the time we used to study at coffee bean for Os. (:


dearest tsingxiu,
happy 18th birthday (: thankyou for non-stop care and concern you've shown when i need it. different lifestyles, different interests, but what brought us together was more than just mere coincidence. i believe, that knowing you has been the greatest God-sent gift (: thankyou for showing love, in more ways than one. thankyou for your efforts in getting me out for a drink/chit-chat. appreciate everything you've done. whether or not big or small, you've impacted my life and made me realise that there are people who care and friends who empathise in difficult times of my life :D your presence has made a difference in my life (:


love,
adeline (:

//edited
venue: home
time: 11.56am

MUAHAHA. you must be wondering why im blogging at 11.56am on a TUESDAY morning. cos im not in school. i overslept. i actually manage to wake up de. den i lie and lie and lie and lie.... den lie until 11am. LOLS!

AIYA. i know its not a very good excuse. but i nowadays sleep late ma.. den really cant wake up.

22nd JULY. (:
11 days le. without you.. i can de. slowly slowly. your msg warms my heart. :D

love,
adeline.
its the 22nd of JULY le. supposedly 8 months. haiis.

just received his sms. saying gdnight.
这样就够了。真的。我要的，并不多。只要我还拥有你心里的一小部分，我就心满意足了。
已经十一天了。我真的能够感受到你不在我身边的十一天，虽然，是很寂寞，虽然很累。可是，可以觉得和感受到，我心里如此的需要你。但是我现在好多了。我比以前更坚强！

not sure if i still have a place in your heart. even if i have to squeeze, i have to force, i hope i do have a small space in your heart. let me rest in it, knowing that.. you still care.

i love you (:

IM IN A DILEMMA.

goshhh. x(
1 more day and its gonna be the 22nd of august. i dread it. supposedly our 8 months of knowing each other but now, nothing to happy about. and worst still. BORING MODULE: JAVA tmr. shit.

been concerned about his life. really. wondering what he has been up to. hasn't seen him for quite some time le. wonder how is he doing. whether he has taken his meals on time? whether he can wake up for school or not. whether he tired or not. well, maybe not. he wont be tired. cos he has one less thing to think and worry about.

but i think even as i have one less thing to worry about, im tired. cos i keep thinking of him. im tired of missing, thinking, pondering, wondering. haiis.

nehminds. you'll pop in my mind out of a sudden. for no reason, i suddenly think of you. i missed you so much please. i missed the way you hugged me. i miss the way you slept on my shoulder in the bus or mrt, i miss the way you look when you wake up. (: i miss the way you always ask me to get you a cup of water when you reach home. i love the way you look when i rub your tummy before you sleep. (: all these i remember. i really remember. memories, so strongly etched in my mind (:

loves ♥

this is the 8th day without you le.
i managed to survive through this week. (:

冯安宁！加油！你可以的！
加油加油加油！(:

im still missing you and even though i tell you not to treat me so nice anymore so i can let go easier. but you know, deep down, i really hope to receive your sms. now, when you finish work, i really want to sms you, to help boost your energy so you wont feel so tired. but i cannot le. i dont want to be disrupting your life anymore. i dont want to be the one who gives you trouble, or add on to your burden.

and i know you are happy now. VERY HAPPY :D
stay that way bahs. hope you find your happiness. true happiness.

denial

nothing much today. just felt like blogging bahs.
going watch my 命中注定我爱你。(:

and its like just how im fated to love you.
when you love someone, and do a lot of things for the other party, you need not expect something in return. (:
and.. i think. im fated to love YOU. ♥

weeee. today went out with mummy to woodlands to fix my phone. send it to samsung for repair. wonder when i can get it back. i want to take many many pictures!!!! if not my blog would be very very boring!! daddy came to join us shortly after. (:

walked around and saw this nice samsung camera. weeee. maybe mummy's gonna get it for my birthday! MUAHAHA. yaynessss! den went to grandma's house. eat dinner at lavander area. daddy drove past his place. and i started thinking of him again.

now i really long for his sms. but i know that im not going to receive it anymore. haiis. )= nehmind. i miss you ♥ a lot a lot.

its been a week now. manage to get through the week. 3 cheers for me! it was a tough week, but i got through it. many more weeks to come. and i really hope, you'll take the chance that im willing to give to you. please?

enough said. short entry today!



with love,

MY BLOG SONG IS SUNG BY A 6 YR OLD GIRL.
CONNIE TALBOT. GO SEARCH FOR HER IN YOUTUBE. HER VOICE IS AMAZING!
and the lyrics to this song is.. from the bottom of my heart ♥

i missed you again today.
why dont care for me before and only care for me now? dont you think its abit too late already!
wad the hell! i dont know how to tell you how i feel because you will never understand what im going through. you just blame me for crying and crying but have you spared a thought to how i would feel. if this salvaged, den forget it already. im not blaming you. maybe from the start, it was all my own selfish and willful thinking. maybe you were never meant to be mine. oh wells. never mind.

today was database. i really tried my best to pay attention in class today already. i really tried. im now drinking soup that mummy cook. very nice (:
today is friday again. i can still remember last friday. haiis. 11 july. i will never forget. what i said, what i did, was all in a fit of anger. and it ended up so hurting for me. guess it's really my fault. no one can be blamed bahs. i just know that this is one of the hardest times of my life. but life still goes on. im starting to lose myself. which isn't a good thing but this can't be helped. i cannot control my feelings. its difficult to control one's emotions.

i really hope you can feel my love for you.
i love you. now and forever. ♥

friends empathise; not sympathise (:

everyday im thinking about the same thing. YOU.
haiis. i cannot seem to forget. every memory etched in my mind. i think i'll cry everytime i think about it.
saw you in school today. just your backview and im contented enough. i wanted to go over to take a good look at you but i know that i'll break down and cry. friends telling me to be strong. but i cannot.

everyday im thinking about the same thing. YOU.
♥

DEPRESSING.
just read laiyan's blog. that article. OMG. i duno what to say. it's been a month. if it's me, i think i'll just commit suicide and die. go read laiyan's blog, you'll get what i mean. her blog is in my link page. im lazy to type it here.

that girl, so strong, to go through it.
one month ago, a NS guy, collapsed. his girlfriend, depressed. until now.
THE GIRL'S BLOG
it's very depressing.

i cried. i tell you, i really cried when reading her entries. tears just uncontrollably roll down my cheeks. streams of tears.
life can be so unpredictable at times.

*speechless*

you know how badly i cried. you heard it yourself.

i will never forget those days. NEVER. i dont really care what others tell me. i just know that i cannot.. i really cannot continue like that anymore. when i see your picture, read your sms, all those small little things that you do that's etched in my mind, will start to flood my brain.

i only know that 我不可以没有你。
我真的很后悔说出那些话。自从11 of july, 我一直都无法开心起来。每天看到的，都只是我在办个假象。我已经开始失去了自己。应为有了你在我身边，我才可以开开心心的过每一天。可是现在的我，似乎已经不懂得什么叫做快乐了。

每天晚上，都很期待你简讯，一个晚安，一个goodnight也好。我都能觉得很开心。我无法接受你不在我身边的事实。你为什么到现在才开始对我好？我真的很期待你能在给我们一个机会的那一天。真的真的很想你；真的真得很爱你。

there's nothing i can do now except wait. you have your freedom now and i cant control it. i cannot be how i used to be, sms-ing you,where are you; who are you with. now i can only wait in expectancy for your sms. i miss everything about you, really.
i hope you're reading this. haiis. there's no other way i can express my thoughts and feeling alrdy. i've said what i've got to say. i've said more than enough things to make you feel and understand my love for you.

you've heard me cry. what else do you want me to do? i just want to be better because maybe i wasn't good enough before. its hard for me to tell you how sorry i am for saying those things. i didn't expect you to take it seriously. i wanted you to say smth like: "must we?" or "can't this be salvaged?" or maybe "i really dont want this. do you want to think about it? what have i done wrong?".

i just hoped that you would be able to see how much i missed you. i cannot take it anymore. i will wait. one month, many months, one year, many years. i dont know. but i know i'll wait. i dont think i can ever love someone else as much as i love you. i've told you before. NO ONE has ever made me like this. losing myself, cos of you. now you know how much i mean to you? i hope you feel the same way.

I WANT THAT CHANCE. AND I'LL TREASURE IT. I PROMISE.


with love,
adeline ):

p/s: everyday im smiling so fakely. zzz dont care what others say, whether im foolish or not. i just know i cannot dont have you, baby.

i think something is going on between the both of you. i dont know what. and i dont think i want to know. online and offline together? hmmm. very weird. but i dont want to jump to conclusions please. dont make me do that. its not nice. and i am not going to be.

i am so strong. NOT.

and anw, my readers increased! YESTERDAY, 14th JULY! the number of readers were shocking! i think my bestie is gonna.. like.. kill me! lols!

show your the screenshot! see for yourself :D the last bar. i think my friends love reading emo blog. (:


HAHAH.
and as always, JAVA suckks BIG. :D


//edited
time: 7.28
venue: home

im back home. and my JAVA faci isn't that bad afterall. thursday and friday after school, gonna practice JAVA. ut4 le. cannot fail le! JIA YOU ADELINE. you can do it! :D

i missed you the whole day lahh. like seriously. really miss you a lot. i want to turn back time. i wished i never said those things and just waited quietly for your sms. ): i hope that one more chance can be given to me, to be better. and for us. i'll treasure it. i promise.

and im quite pissed off earlier today. shit lahh. kena bomb-ed sia. KKKAAAAAABOOOOOMMM!
ahh.forget it. nehmindds.
dont wish to be reminded.

im still missing you now. i miss you, really )=

OMGOMG.

well. maybe your heart wasn't with me this whole time. it was all a coax. 'i love you' was just something to make me feel better. i think so; i know so. (:

feel a lot better after crying. and i shouldn't be crying. why should i? the one crying should be you.. HAHA. i believe your ex-girlf needs you more right? im just doing what i should do. push myself away and give you both the happiness you need. since you cant let go of her. you know something? i wanted to give you a chance to be better; but you didn't take it. hence, this decision to get you out of my life. i wont be so dumb anymore. and hey, i believe one day; one fine day; i'll find someone better. i'll find someone who loves me more than i love him. i'll find someone who knows how to treasure me. and the next time you see me, you'll see me happy, REALLY happy; with my happiness of course. he might not be the most handsome/charming guy you see around; but hey, you capture someone's heart with the things you do; with the sincerity coming deep down from YOU. not with your bare hands or taking down the brightest stars from above or merely actions. even actions are not everything.

you migh be doing it, but deep down, do you do what you're suppose to do out for the sake of doing it/are you doing it because you really think its the best thing you can do for him/her and that you really love him/her?

i believe all that you've done for me, some might be the latter, but i believe most are the former. i dont need someone who goes all out to do things for me or do the greatest things to make me pleased, of course i would be happy if someone does that. but what truly matters is, even if he does the slightest things of dropping me a sms, with the thought that he TRULY miss me and love, thats enough. (: well, it could also be the result of my personality, i get contented easily. well, and sad easily too.

after all that i've said here, i believe i will be happy. very happy. i promise you.

why should i be sad anw? i didn't lose the greatest thing on earth. in fact, i think i gained it. and im proud of myself! i know that there is still someone out there, worthy of my love and trust :D
thanks to all who've been concerned. im fine. im okay :D


i love you all,
adeline.

my bestie says this picture is funny, makes him laugh like crazy.
so funny meh?!! LOLS.

if you're wondering my bestie is... here goes:



will i ever find someone who truly treasures me?
i wish i could. (=

love ya'll!

BOO!
im super sad lahh shit. saw something i shouldn't have seen this morning. and i ponned school with qianqi darling!!! weeeee o weeeeeet. anw, there was nothing much to do in class. no points staying. so walked around, shopped, and went to mosburger to talk about like.. many many things!!!!!!!! YAY! (=

shit lorr. today totally no mood. it was raining when i left my house. and immediately, when i stepped out, IT IMMEDIATELY RAINED. shit lahh. how 'suay' can it get! roars. den...nehmind. late for school! SUPER LATE ONE. and qianqi and chester were late cos of me. wah liao. felt so bad. wanted to take a bus since it was raining and i was alrdy late but the queue was soooooooooooooo long. omgomg. i think i will wait until i die lorr. den AGAIN... NEHMIND.

i was alrdy very pissed alrdy but i still had to go through the day with shit.

ARGH! very angry can! you seriously disgust me. FRIENDS FRIENDS FRIENDS. is that all you're ever gonna say! looking at me, giving me that stupid look without even coming over to say hi or anything. wth lahhhhh! you think im what. im blind uh. cannot see uh. you think im cold-blooded uh! pretend that i cant see anything and have no feeling. worst thing is im alone can! and you didn't even like fcking walk over to ask me where i was going and stuff. treating me as though i was not there. and you just continued walking! wtfwtf!

SHIT LAHHHHH. i think i cannot continue like that anymore lorr pls. dont be so selfish and spare a thought for me can! must i always be the one to take initiative or drop you an sms? must i always be the one who always wait there idiotically for you to sms me! and you just walked to class as though the rest of the people around you didn't exist. do you know how i felt? i was super angry can. you idiotic pathetic loser. you seriously disgust me. your actions irks me. i feel like throwing pie into your face. maybe i can only blame myself for not being 'CARING' enough huh! stupid idiotic fcker. eeeeeeeeeeeee lorr. you seriously disgust me can. the more i think of it, the more angry i am. the worst thing was that you saw me! )= cant you at least like walk over and say hi! wah liao. im human leh please lahh! i got feelings one lorr please.

worst still, you walk so fast! cannot purposely walk slower one mehhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
please. i feel very very angry and pissed now. im gonna ignore you until you know how i feel! GO AWAY PLEASE!

arghhh!

this song is nice. weeee. (=

if you were mine, i'd be your everything and you'd be the only thing that i would ever need.
if you were mine, i would tell everyone that you are the only one that i could ever want.

all the words i sing about, all the letters i write about.
only thing i wanna hear about, so that i can get closer to you.
i know that there is someone else, but he's only thinking of himself.
doesn't make any sense for you to be lonely...

pls dont be afraid to let your broken heart guide you;
into these open arms that long to surround you...

pls... there's no need for me to be around.
since you've got enough of everything. i think you have. i think its time you stop and think for yourself. dont be selfish to yourself.

staring at you the same way you once stared at me. now i know how you feel.
wishing, hoping and believing.

i know it now.

shit. im in school now and i dont know how to do a single thing. im just stoning in class. no one to teach me and i feel like going home lorr. whats the point of staying when i duno anything.

argh. just typing rubbish.
^%&^%^&%^&*%^$%^$^($%(^#(%$#%$^%^%&^%$%*&#*%^$

haiis. I REALLY WANT TO GO HOME LAHH! ELAINE! WHY YOU NOT IN SCHOOL!? RAHHHH.
JAVA SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSS! )=

today is really a sucky day! SHIT.

i think im soooo not mature for my age.
im 18 this year. but i think i sometimes act like an 8 yr old.
why uh why uh?!!! well...

maybe it isn't all that bad. (= im young at heart! HAHAH!
nehmind. i dont know what im talking about also. so boreddd!

i hope you're feeling better :D

going off to play audi now! (=

love <3

i miss you more than anything.
(= get well soon okay?
you mean the world to me.

loves♥

presentation in class now :D and there's someone who's sleeping, looking very horrible. LOLS.

venue: in school
time: 11.33am

weeee.
adeline's a happy girl! :D

有了你，我才感觉到幸福.
有了你，我才知道真正的快乐是来自于哪里。
当你出现在我生活之前，我只是一个普通的girlgirl.

是你让我感到被受保护，被爱的感觉。
谢谢你陪度过这几个月的美好时光。
我爱你。
and it's a promise (:

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