Tuesday, July 29, 2008 ; 2:25 PM {♥}
I LOVE YOU AND I CARE FOR YOU CHIAM HUIYIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
DORIS tooooooo!!!
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haiis. my efforts are still not seen. even though i still got a bit distracted, but i know i did try my best alrdy. throw tantrum and cry. that is what will become of me. i dont want to go back to those days in PSLE. i tried so hard.. end up not getting what i expected and i just cry. i really tried hard.im learning to try for myself. not for others. im someone who gets distracted easily. many of you understand that i believe. so its not my fault if you show me television, computer game, psp and i just run over and play while in the midst of doing something. i get distracted by what is visual. but after that i really tried hard what. you only choose to see how people get distracted. but do you know how i felt? do you know how hard i try after that?
the reason why papa always tell me to try my best and not to set high expectations for myself is because he dont want me to get too stress. i will break down and cry. i will stress until i have depression. really lorr. how many of you know i have depression when i was in primary 6. NONE. the pressure i placed on myself at that time was indescibable. the stress of studying, the stress of awaiting of results. all the "huh. why you get into such a lousy school?", "aiyo... never work hard right? get into yusof?"
EH PLS LORR PEOPLE. i really did work hard okay! how many of you know i cry in my bedroom everynight before the paper. do you know how that exam actually impacted my life a lot? do you know that i wasn't as smart as the people in my class but i really tried.
i got an A for english. and i heard that i was just 3-5 marks away from my A*!!! do you know the unhappiness i felt? can you see the standard i set for myself? you might think:"it's just PSLE ma!" but eh. moving on to secondary school leh!
during that time, we had to choose out schools before the results. and my papa chose schools that seemed impossible for me to go into!their aggregate scores were like AT LEAST 230!!!! CRAZY! i knew i had to at least get into my choice if not i would be deemed as stupid! no use!
i hate this feeling. and im feeling this way again. no matter how hard i try, even though i get distracted easily, i will still be deemed as NO USE! STUPID! NOT WORKING HARD. forever it will be like that lorrrrr.
SHIT.
Blogged With Love, Yours Truly {♥}
